It's strange being in this time space, walking towards the exit door of life,
not my life, but my moms.
It's sad and it is beautiful. I feel blessed that her spirits are high and she's facing this as a big adventure into after-life.
Now that she has gotten on oxygen, her world has improved drastically.
She can walk farther than the front door, before needing to rest.
She actually went shopping!
She has told hospice her goal is beachweek, which is family get together time every July in North Redington, Beach.
I was worried at first if she'd actually make it.
Since the oxygen she's so much better. I'm more confident
she'll make it there and I'm very excited. We're going to make the time count.
I'll also get to see her this weekend. I am very grateful a friend of mine has gifted me a flight to Fl. So, so nice. Thank you and big hug to you!
(you know who you are, thank-you so much).
It's a new chapter in my life. I feel the the times are changing.
Like the mark of time when summer ends
a cool wind is taking it's place.
All my grandparents have passed. I was mostly close to my mom's parents.
When my grandma died, I was still "off the grid" so to speak so I missed her funeral.
I went to my grandpas funeral. He lived to 94.
I cried the whole time. I was an emotional wreck. It was hard.
I remember driving home after the funeral and feeling different.
Like death had given me a new flavor to the taste of my life.
A deep note, the level of sorrow, now flavored my soup of life.
Like the birds being pushed out of the nest,
saying good- by to a body I'd never hug again,
changed me, though I did not question or explore my mortality.
Now this year, 2017, nearing my mom's big adventure, her end of life,
the awareness of physical mortality has made me question
many areas of my life.
Was I "me" to the best of my ability?
What will I regret that I didn't do in time? Maybe,procrastinated instead?
What relationships will I grieve because I failed to nourish them while we both are alive?
Where did I deny my greatness
and instead settle for "fitting in" and "hiding in the crowd".
Reflecting on all this, I feel deep and tender love for mom.
Here in this moment, her body failing, her life coming to an end,
she is my great teacher.
She has given me some sort of spark, a new understanding of the importance
for me to be ordinary and uniquely myself.
She has taught me
I am so loved and she's very happy she is my mom.
Thank you mom.
3907 Medical Parkway #102